


Mermaid Swamp

by ElricLawliet



Category: Homestuck
Genre: humanstuck AU, so spoilers I guess?, video game parody
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-06
Updated: 2015-03-25
Packaged: 2017-12-28 13:46:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/992672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElricLawliet/pseuds/ElricLawliet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"A man did abduct from the seashore a mermaid of clearest skin and scales, and set her to live in a tank. But the muddy swamp water brought horrible swelling to her fair skin, tore away her scales, and devastated her melodic voice. The fool brought death to her.</p>
<p>A mermaid's wrath is a terrible thing. For that man's foolishness we suffer the loss of many a young girl. Thus we mourn for her."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A Homestuck parody of the 2D RPG horror game "Mermaid Swamp". I wouldn't suggest reading if you plan to play it in the future and don't want spoilers.
> 
> I also wouldn't suggest reading if you like your favorite characters staying alive.

_Something was wrong with the lights._

_They had gone brownish-green; a sick, murky color that didn't do for illuminating much of anything. And it seemed to be shifting, flowing, as if it was coming through water._  

_Was she underwater? Now that she thought about it, it certainly seemed to be the case. But she was…well. Not drowning. And din't feel like she would be doing anything of the sort anytime soon. There was however, the nagging feeling that something was wrong._

_The light suddenly dimmed. A shadow appeared above her, over what she guessed was the surface of the water. It was vaguely human-shaped._

_'...Is someone there?'_  

_She found herself reaching up, one hand–paler than she remembered–stretching toward the shadow above her. Almost there––_

“VRISKAAAAAAAA!”

––And she jolted up, forehead slamming against the handle of the car door. 

“John you little  _bitch!_ ”

The boy next to her was doubled over cackling, one hand clutching his stomach and the other keeping his glasses on his face. 

“Y-you should have seen the look on your face, oh my God!”

“I'm going to fucking kill you!” Vriska snarled, clutching her most likely bruised forehead.

“Would you too please be quiet?” an irritated, gruff voice growled from the seat in front of Vriska. “It is hard enough to make out the road ahead of us without your constant bickering.” 

Vriska grumbled, rubbing her forehead and glaring and John. “Blame the fucking dork here, for interrupting my beauty sleep! It's not like I have anything else to do during this long-ass car ride!” 

“Well, you might relieve Nepeta of the steering wheel, as she has been driving for eight hours.”

“Don't worry about that, Equius!” the girl manning the wheel laughed. “I've got it. Besides, Vriska might get us even more lost!”

As one, the other three in the car froze.

“...What do you mean... _more_ lost?” John squeaked.

“...Nepeta...” Equius said slowly, forehead starting to shine. “You...you do know where we are right now, correct?”

“Nope! Not a clue! I did about an hour ago, when we first started getting up the mountain, but then this fog came in and I could barely even see the road, never mind any signs!” She grinned, like being lost in a seemingly endless fog on an unknown mountain wasn't something to worry about. “So, I've just kind of been driving, hoping we see something!”

“Wha–you don't–a-and you–you didn't bother to TELL ANYONE?!” Vriska screamed, kicking the seat in front of her.

Equius grunted, hand fumbling back to grab her leg. “Stop that! You are not helping! But Nepeta, you really should have thought to–”

And suddenly, they stopped. The car came to sudden halt, engine clicking off without a warning.

“Oh what now?” Vriska snarled. “Out of gas or something?”

“No,” Nepeta said.  _Now_ she looked worried, hand clicking and turning at the key. “We refilled with one of the spare canisters less than an hour ago. We should still be pretty much full. It just...stopped!”

“ _Whatdoyoumeanitjuststopped?!!_ ” John sputtered, looking ready to hyperventilate.

Equius noticed and started to sweat in earnest, letting go of Vriska's leg to start rummaging through the glove compartment for John's inhaler. Vriska just growled and started slapping him on the back, making Nepeta yell at her and Equius to nearly break the back of his seat.

It seemed to work though, as John coughed hard once and shoved her hand away, hitting his chest. He caught his breath, glowering at her.

“N- _never_ do that a-again.”

“It worked, didn't it?” she snapped. “Would you have rather had an inhaler given to you by Sir Sweats-A-Lot up there?”

“I highly doubt he would actually care, given a circumstance like that,” Nepeta snapped, grabbing the inhaler herself and handing it to John.

Equius rubbed his face, groaning. “Please, friends. I do not think this is the time to start bickering. We are in a bit of a pickle, and now that John has been seen to, I believe we should be worrying about how to move forward. Nepeta, do you have any clue what's wrong with the car?”

She shook her head. “Whatever it is, it's not the gas, the oil or the battery. Should we send someone out to check the engine?”

Together, all three slowly turned to look at Vriska. The girl scowled, looking insulted.

“What?! Why should I do it?!”

“Because you haven't done anything else to actually help,” Nepeta said, jerking a thumb to the door.

“I just saved John's fucking life, you ungrateful bastards!” she yelled.

“In a highly dangerous way that was far more likely to do harm than good,” Equius reminded, “and might have put him in the need of a hospital we have no access to.”

“But it didn't!”

“Just go, Vriska,” John grumbled, still rubbing his chest. “What, are you scared?”

Vriska colored, scowling at him and throwing open her door.

“See if I save your ass next time, Egbert.”

She unbuckled her seatbelt and clambered out, taking a moment to stretch and pop her back. At least  _that_ was an advantage of having to get out...

She groaned and headed around to the front of the car, throwing open the hood.

Nothing. No sudden onslaught of black smoke rising from the engine, no acrid oily smell of something burning, no shine of exposed or frayed wires.

“There's nothing wrong with the car, Nep!” she called back, frowning. “Are you sure we just aren't out of gas?”

The smaller girl climbed out from the driver's seat, frowning. “I told you, we filled up less than an hour ago and the meter still says we have over half of it left. It has to be the engine!”

Equius and John climbed out, the first heading up to the hood with Vriska to take a look himself.

“...She's correct, Nepeta. There's nothing wrong with the engine, or anything else. But I can also vouch that we did fill up not long ago...”

“So, what?” John whined. “The car just randomly died, and we don't even know why? Come on, Eq, your dad is a mechanic! Fix something!”

“I'm afraid I cannot fix something that doesn't seem to be broken,” Equius sighed. “Our best bet would be to keep going and hope we can find a town or such and ask for a professional.”

“But we don't know which way a town would be, even if we did know for certain one was nearby!” Vriska snapped. “No thanks to Kitten over there!”

“I made a mistake, okay?” Nepeta snapped. “Excuse me for having no reason to assume our car would randomly stop functioning!”

“Well it still would have helped if you'd fucking  _mentioned_  that we were lost, furbrain! Now we're royally fucked and it's all your fault–" 

“ _My_  fault?! You weren't exactly helping, sleeping for five hours in the back like a damn rock, miss–” 

“ _ **ENOUGH!!**_ ” Equius roared.

Both girls froze, looking at him like deer caught in headlights.

He took a deep breath, calming himself down.

“...My apologies. But it is as I stated earlier, now even more so. We do not have time to be bickering. We are stranded in an unknown road, in an unknown forest, on an unknown mountain, and if you two had bothered to stop trying to blame each other for a problem that does not actually have any particular one of us to blame, you would have learned from John here that we have no cell service. Now I don't know what plan of action we intend to take, but I can promise everyone that anything will be better than wasting time and daylight screaming at each other.”

He glared at the girls, who both looked away guiltily.

“Now, as I'm assuming you're going to act your blasted age from here on, I don't think I need make you apologize to each other for it to be done. That time is better spent trying to think of a plan.”

They both sighed, leaning back.

“What if we sent someone up ahead to look for a town, and then the rest of us stayed back at the car?” Vriska offered.

“I-I really don't think splitting up is the best idea,” John stammered. “If all of us go together and get lost together, at least no one left behind will be worried about us.”

“John has a point.” Equius frowned. “But if we all go, we might not be able to find the car again.”

“Uh, guys?” Nepeta asked.

“Who needs the car?” Vriska said. “It's dead anyway, and I really think getting off this mountain is more important!”

“I need the car!” John yelled. “If I go back without it my dad will kill me!”

“Guys I think–”

“John, I really think your dad's gonna be more relieved in the fact that you made it off a mountain alive,” Vriska scoffed.

“She does have a point,” Equius amended.

“Guys really, this is–”

“No she doesn't! We don't have the money to get a new one, and it's the only car we have! My dad has to get to work!”

“Insurance will cover it!” Vriska insisted.

“Guys, hey there's–”

“What insurance covers a seemingly fine car stranded on a mountain?!”

“We'll just lie and say the engi–”

“YOU GUYS!”

They all jumped, staring at Nepeta.

She huffed. “Finally. How about you pay fucking attention? Look!”

She pointed out to the fog, where the other free finally noticed what seemed to be a dim light moving towards them. As it got closer and closer it brightened, until finally they could make out the figure of a man coming toward them with a lantern. He paused as he saw them, before starting forward again.

He finally reached them, looking over them scrutinizingly.

“...You kids need some help?”

Now that he was up close, they could see him clearly. He was decently tall, with broad shoulders and arms. His black hair had a couple gray streaks at the front, and his face was starting to show his age. He had a rather hard, uncaring look in his eyes, but what really set the kids on edge was the twin scars running diagonally over his face.

“Uh...our car broke down,” Nepeta mumbled shyly. “Do you know the way to the next town?”

He looked at her, frowning deeper. “I do, but it's not close enough that you could make it tonight. Especially not without a car.”

They all groaned, looking at a loss for what to do. The man looked them over, before sighing again and turning around.

“Come on then.”

“W-wait, what?” John sputtered. “I thought you said the town was too far!”

“It is. I'm taking you to my house." 

Equius grimaced. “That's a very kind offer sir, but I'm sure we'd be fine staying here until morning, so–”

“So you got dinner plans in that broken down bucket of yours?” he scoffed. “Doubt they're any good if you do. These woods get dangerous at night kid, and I don't plan to be held responsible for four teenage corpses found when whoever you belong to decides to start looking for you two or whatever weeks from now.”

“B-but we couldn't possibly impose on you to–” Equius tried again.

“Impose? Good God I didn't know kids these days could use such impressive words. I won't say it again, boy. If you're worried about housing or whatever, I've lived alone in that damn mansion for over twenty years now. Hell it might be a comfort to have kids back in it.” He sighed. “...I'm trying to help you here. I won't have time to come back out to save you again tomorrow, and you won't find the village without me. This fog never clears, so if you value your chances of ever going home I would highly suggest you just come along and spend a night or two at my place.”

The four exchanged glances, before sighing.

“...Okay,” John sighed. “Thanks, Mister.”

“Ampora,” he corrected, as they started to follow him.

“What?” Vriska asked, scowling.

“Cronus Ampora,” he said, scowling right back at her. “You can call me Ampora.”

“That's a weird name. I'm just gonna stick with–”

Equius slapped the back of her head before she could finish.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jesus christ, well this took a lot longer than I intended. My apologies for anyone actually interested in it, I have a tendency to quickly lose confidence in my own writing. Sorry about that!
> 
> That being said I fully intend for this to be a story I write and finish, cause quitting ain't gonna improve anything I find to be shit. In fact, reading over it again ~~months~~ a year later, I actually felt my confidence in it go up a bit. Sweet.

It struck Vriska as a bit odd--well, really odd actually--that a random strange old man lived as far from the nearest town as he did. In an old mansion on a foggy, forested mountain, no less, with a huge swamp in the front. It was getting too close to horror movie territory, if you asked her.

But hey, the others didn't seem concerned, and who was she to argue with their all-knowing wisdom? They obviously didn't need her input on anything.

If she was really being honest, it did make sense. Sleeping in a car didn't sound fun for anyone, and Equius was deceptively strong. He could easily take this old guy if he tried anything funny. But Vriska wasn't always the most inherently honest of people and really, it was much more satisfying to sulk to herself and imagine how when things inevitably went way wrong, she would have that wonderful pleasure of being able to say "I told you so."

All that aside, it  _was_ a nice house. They all even got their own rooms! Pretty damn big rooms too, and it wasn't like the horror movie shit where the houses didn't have any electricity or modern appliances. She flopped back on the bed with a content sigh.

Really, it could've been much worse.

There was a knock on her door, and she quickly scrambled back up to make it look like she hadn't been basking in the plush comfort of the room she very _obviously_ despised, thank you very much. She sat instead on the couch by the coffee table (seriously, was this really just a guest bedroom? This was hotel suite level decor), putting her feet up onto it and leaning back.

"Come in," she grumbled.

The door opened, John's familiar buck-toothed face popping in. He sauntered over, dropping next to her on the couch.

"You know, it's really rude to put your feet on other people's furniture."

"He let us have the rooms didn't he? That means for tonight, this is my room, and  _my_ furniture."

John raised an eyebrow at her over the edge of his glasses. "That's not how property rights work, dumbass."

Vriska rolled her eyes. "It's just a fucking table, Egdork. Let it go. Besides, I don't have much else to do besides get comfortable. Not like we can explore, with most of the doors locked and mister Scarface out there forbidding us from even going upstairs!"

John rolled his eyes. "You're still on about that? Come on. The guy's letting us stay in his fucking mansion until we get home, and you're complaining about not being able to snoop around? My dad's master bedroom isn't as big as these rooms! You could show at least a  _little_ gratitude."

She grumbled. "It's not my fault he's creepy. The whole thing is just fucked up, John! Our car stops for no goddamn reason, and we get some super rich dude just appearing out of the fog to our rescue? Why's such an old fart walking around at nearly sunset anyway huh? What if he was hiding a body?!"

"Don't be ridiculous. If he was hiding a body, he could have just dumped it in the swamp out front. Thing's way big enough, deep enough too. Maybe he was just looking out for poor stranded kids to save them from the dangerous mountain? Some people do have kindness in their heart, Vriska."

Vriska snorted in disbelief. "Riiiiiiiight. Whatever you say, Egbert. But when the old asshole turns out to be a crazy demon-fucking sorcerer, you better not come crying to me."

John shook his head, standing up and throwing a throw pillow at her. "Well, the crazy demon-fucking sorcerer is making dinner, which is what I came to tell you. It should be done really soon, so hurry up and get to that fancy dining room."

He backed out, giving a mockingly cheerful salute and closing the door behind him.

Vriska just stood to follow him, muttering under her breath.

 

\---

 

Nepeta waved at her as she sat across from her, bouncing excitedly.

"Jeez shortstack, I can hear your stomach from over here. Calm down, the grub's coming."

"Yes," Ampora said, setting plates chicken and gravy on rice in front of everyone. "Sorry about the simple meal, I don't exactly get a lot of guests. This was all I had that could feed so many people."

"It is wonderful, sir," Equius said. "More than enough, thank you. You're very gracious to share your food with us."

"Lord kid, no need to sound so formal. I get it, you're grateful. It's nothin', really."

John swallowed hard around a too-big bite of chicken. "So what happens after this?"

"After this, you go to bed," Ampora said. "I imagine today has been eventful for all of you, and you must be tired. Plans can be discussed in the morning, there isn't anything we can do about it in the dark. Get some rest, and the bath is open for anyone who would like to use it. You can discuss what you plan to do when you all wake up in the morning."

"Gosh, I can sure get behind that!" John laughed. "Really, we can't thank you enough!"

Vriska leaned back with an exaggerated sigh of contentment. "Yeah we can. Thanks for the food, old man, you aren't so bad. I'm gonna go take you up on that sleeping idea now though, I'm fuckin' pooped."

"I'm gonna take you up on that bath offer!" Nepeta said, pushing herself to her feet.

"It's just down the hall. The second door on the left."

Vriska stood as well, stretching and giving a yawn. She rubbed her now full stomach, sauntering lazily out with a nod of goodnight to the three still eating. When she and Nepeta parted ways in the hall, she ruffled the younger's brown hair.

"Night, Neps. Don't drown in that big old tub."

 "Night Vriskers. Don't suffocate under your massive ego."

She was still snickering a bit when she got to her room, giddy from sleepiness and a full stomach. She fell face first onto the bed, yawning as she wiggled under the covers and starfished herself out. Sweet sleep swept over her in minutes.

 

\---

 

_'Again, seriously?'_

_Vriska stared dimly above her, watching the lights refract off of the familiar surface of the water above her. It didn't seem to be that far away, but she also couldn't seem to bring herself to care to swim up. She still wasn't drowning was she? She felt fine._

_Then the figure appeared agin._

_Her body tensed, unease seeping into her cold skin. She was getting colder, and her haziness disappeared as she realized that now, she really couldn't move._

_'Who the hell are you?! Stop fucking watching me!'_

_The shadowy silhouette above her was silent and still, and she growled._

_'...Motherfucker...'_

 

Vriska's eyes snapped open. Soft, muddled gray light illuminated the room from the tall window, broadcasting the morning's arrival. She sighed, sitting up and rubbing her eyes.

"Second fucking time, this isn't normal..."

She slid out of bed, shivering. Man, had it been this cold last night? She knew it was usually chilly getting right out of bed, but this was _freezing_.

She changed clothes, grimacing at the realization she hadn't bothered to before falling asleep last night. Gross.

She shrugged and rolled her shoulders, striding out of the room. Better make sure the others were awake before heading to get breakfast...

John, it seemed, had already woken up; if the half open door left any clues, so she started with Nepeta. She knocked and then let herself in, frowning a bit at the bundle curled up on the bed. The bundle didn't respond when she knocked on the wall again, so she headed over to the bed.

"Hey Nep, c'mon. It's morning, Kitty Cat, rise and shine." She shook her slightly. "Nepeta?"

 The girl shivered, finally rolling over.

"Vriska...? Hey..."

The older girl frowned. "You're usually way more of the early bird than me. What gives?"

Nepeta shrugged weakly, curling up tighter in her blankets. "I dunno...I'm just...really cold for some reason. D'you think I could maybe sleep some more...?"

Vriska hesitated, and nodded. "...Sure Nep. I'll wake you if we do anything important, or when we get ready to leave. Okay?"

She nodded tiredly, eyes closing again. "Thanks Vris..."

Vriska shook her head, turning to leave and shutting the door behind her again. It was probably nothing; Nepeta was known to tire herself out with her own boundless energy every so often. She gave Equius's closed door a knock, and proceeded to check the living room when she didn't immediately get a response.

Both boys were there, talking in low voices.

"Finally decided to join us, Viska?" John asked, looking up as she dropped onto the couch next him.

"Hey, you're the ones who get up at the asscrack of dawn! _I'm_ the normal one."

"Vriska, it's almost noon."

Vriska's retort was interrupted by her own worry, Nepeta's uncharacteristic sleeping in now even more of a surprise.

"Seriously? Hey, have you guys checked on Nepeta? I'm kinda worried; she really didn't want to get up. She was fine last night!"

"Well, she did seem more tired than usual after her bath," Equius said, frowning. "But I merely attributed it to the relaxing affects of her bathing. It is quite an impressive tub. Though, late as it is now, it is rather more worrisome..."

He looked concerned, and John shook his head.

"Well, if she's catching a cold then we should just let her sleep. It doesn't really matter, 'cause Equius already went out to check on the car and it's still pretty fucked."

"I still can't tell what's wrong with it," Equius sighed. "Though I will admit I do not exactly have the tools to look in depth, nor to fix it if I did find the problem. It could still very well be the engine, but a more internal problem than could be spotted by simply opening the hood."

"Well it's an old car," John said. "Don't cars just stop working when they get old?"

"There is always a reason for it, John, a specific part that is worn out."

"So we're basically up shit creek without a paddle?" Vriska groaned.

"What's this I hear about a creek?" a deep voice said from the doorway.

The three looked up as Ampora joined them, looking them over boredly.

"Are you alright? I'd think it was a bit early to be looking so serious. And where's the other girl?"

"Nepeta has chosen to sleep in today," Equius answered. "But that is not the main issue. We still do not know what caused our car to break down, and I am lacking the tools to work on it. I normally have a toolbox in my car, but foolishly forgot to move it from my car to John's here before we began our journey. We cannot leave yet."

Ampora frowned. "Well, that is a problem. You see, I got a call last night, and I have to go attend a memorial in town. It'll be a few days before I can get back."

They glanced at each other worriedly.

"O-oh. Well then, our apologies for imposing, I am sure we can find our way walking. We'll just--"

"...No, it's fine."

Equius stopped rambling, looking up at him in surprise.

"...I-I...pardon?"

"It's fine, kid. It might actually be nice to have someone here to look after the house for a change. And no way could you make it through these mountains on foot, especially in the autumn. The fog is thickest in autumn and winter, and if that other friend of yours is already catching a cold, trying to have her walk home is good as a death wish. These mountains are not kind, nor are the people in it. You kids stay here until I get back, and I'll even bring tools or a mechanic to come fix up your car when you do."

"We could not possibly--"

"Please, Mr. Zahhak. It would put my mind at ease to know you four were safe here instead of wandering the mountains. It will not even be for a week."

Equius swallowed, glancing at his friends. "...Alright. You are very kind, Sir. We appreciate this."

He nodded, straightening up. "Alright then. I have to be gone in less than an hour, so I'm glad we settled all this now. If your friend starts to get worse, there's cold medicine behind the mirror in the bathroom."

He turned, nodding behind him. "I will be back in a few days. Be careful around the swamp, and stay away from the old mansion."

On that note, he disappeared down the hall.

Vriska snorted. "Seriously, what kind of cryptic bullshit is that?  _'Stay away from the old mansion.'_ Seriously, where does he get off? ...Hold on, what old mansion?"

John scoffed. "Do you not pay attention at all? The old mansion on the east shore of the swamp. We saw it when we came in, remember? I asked him about it? There was a whole conversation on how this mansion is the second on the property, built after the other one fell into disrepair and was deemed no longer safe to live in?"

Vriska rolled her eyes. "I can't be bothered to hang onto the every word of a strange old dude and loser with a history boner, Egdork."

He sighed, shaking his head. "You can literally see it from your bedroom window!"

"Not to interrupt this lovers' quarrel," Equius said testily, "but we should find something to eat. Try not to eat too much, as we have to make a single man's food last for four until Mr. Ampora gets back. I am going to see if I can find some soup for Nepeta."

Without another word he stood, heading towards the kitchen.

Vriska glared after him, scoffing. "God, what's his problem? And did he seriously just call us  _lovers_?!"

"Give him a break," John said with a frown. "You know how close he and Nep are. He's probably just worried; she doesn't get sick often. Besides, he's right. I'm hungry."

He stood up, following Equius to the kitchen.

Vriska sat on the couch a bit longer, frowning. Alone in an old mansion with an even older mansion not far away and a gross foggy swamp and a broken car. Yeah, this was totally the start of horror movie.

She shook her head, shoving herself up and following the boys. It was nothing, duh. It was John's fault, for all those shitty horror flicks he'd made her watch with him. And she'd been playing too many video games too. She was being paranoid; Nepeta would get over her shitty cold and Ampora would be back in a few days with a mechanic so they could get their car fixed. They'd go back home, and she'd laugh with Terezi about how stupid and annoying the whole ordeal had been.

Yep, everything was gonna be just fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, this chapter was kind of tedious. Sorry nothing really interesting happened, the next chapter is when stuff actually starts to pick up. This was just like, context stuff I suppose.
> 
> Also if you can't tell, I don't know how cars work. I am absolutely bullshitting every aspect of that.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, look at that! I didn't wait a year to update!
> 
> I'm hoping to get better at it. I'm a bit busy with college and looking for a job and other personal issues, but I am trying to get back in the swing of writing regular updates.

Vriska sighed, staring out over the murky swamp. A low, dense fog clung to the water, obscuring the splashes of the pebbles she was failing to skip.

"This fucking blows," she muttered.

Her initial eagerness in the mansion had worn off. Although Ampora had left for his memorial a couple of hours ago, Equius was still insistent on respecting his privacy and not snooping around upstairs. That left the downstairs--which Vriska had explored, only to find that most of the doors they hadn't already been in were locked--and the outside. She had of course, first tried to sneak into the old mansion, but the front door was padlocked with one of those heavy locks with the spin-dial codes.

"Fucking bullshit is what it is. Who needs a passcode protected house? Just lock the damn door."

She stood with a scowl, starting to walk along the edge of the swamp. She was going to go stir crazy if she was forced to stay here, especially knowing there was so much area she could explore if she was allowed. What was the point of having this whole horror movie atmosphere if she couldn't even explore all the creepy stuff?

So busy was she internally monologuing her woes, that she didn't notice the large, pale, upright stone raised in the ground in her path. Or at least, not until she bashed her shin against it.

" _Son a fucking **whore!"**_

She dropped onto her good knee, clutching her leg and spitting curses under her breath. She glared at the offending rock, reaching out to slap it.

"Stupid fucking rock. Stupid fucking mansion. Stupid fucking old man. Doesn't he run fucking maintenance or some shit? Don't boulders get smashed and cleaned up or--wait a minute."

She leaned forward, squinting at the stone. It was getting late, and the sun didn't give much light through the tangled trees anyway, but Vriska could make out scratchings that looked kind of like letters, like a poem or something, on the face of the rock. She pulled her phone out and flicked the flashlight on, shining it over the words.

"...The hell?"

She grumbled, heading back towards the mansion and hurrying to the living room where John and Equius were watching TV.

"John, hey John, come check this out!"

He looked up, frowning. "Vriska, I already told you I don't want to explore the swamp. It's getting dark and it smells gross."

She whined. "Seriously, come on! I want you to see this, it won't take long and I need your help! Come oooooooon!"

John gave an exaggerated groan, pushing himself up. "This better be good, Vriska."

Equius quietly followed, looking curious as Vriska led them out to the rock by the water.

"Look, look!"

"...There's a rock. In an unkept swamp. The shock is killing me."

Vriska glared at him. "Look at what's on the rock, asshole. There's writing or something! Here!"

She crouched, turning her phone flashlight back on to show him. John knelt down, pushing his glasses up.

"Oh...oh. There is!"

Equius knelt behind him, pulling his sunglasses off his face to see better. Vriska looked down at John expectantly, grinning.

"Well?! Read it!"

"Read it--Vriska, it's not in English!"

"So? In horror movies, they always have that one guy who reads dead languages or whatever! And you're our resident nerd, aren't you?"

"For the love of God, this isn't a horror movie! I don't read anything but English!"

"Well you speak more than one language!"

_"I took a high school Spanish class!"_

"If I may," Equius cut them off, "I doubt it's a dead language, or at least not nearly as old as you seem to want to think. Native Americans did not tend to use such Latin-esque letters."

"It's probably Gaelic," John said, rubbing his chin.

"Gaelic?" Vriska scoffed. "What the hell would something Gaelic be doing here?"

"Well, Mr. Ampora does have a heavily Scottish background, and his family has been on this land since they came here so--"

"What? The old man's not Scottish!" Vriska interrupted. "I mean yeah his voice is a little weird but--"

"Yes he is, Vriska," John inter-interrupted. "Again, it was something that came up yesterday when we got here, about the same time as the old mansion. His ancestors came here from Scotland like four or five generations ago, and they've owned this swamp land ever since. Once again, if you actually payed attention to the people around you, instead of playing Miss High and Mighty and going off into your own little world; you might actually have some context on say, random inscription stones you find erected in the front yard."

 Vriska glared, mumbling under her breath as John turned back to the stone.

"Anyway. There's an app for that or something I'm pretty sure, but I think both of you have realized that the service up here sucks. We're lucky we were able to reach my dad and explain what happened, I'm not gonna try and download some language app or try something like googling translatey stuff. I think I'll check out Ampora's library. There's probably a book on Gaelic languages up there somewhere. And no, Vriska," he glared at the excited gleam and grin she had been starting towards, "you can't come with me. I don't trust you not to try to explore his personal stuff. You and Equius stay out here. I'll be right back."

Vriska crossed her arms, glaring at John's back as he disappeared back towards the house.

"...Prick."

 

\---

 

About twenty minutes later, John came back out with an annoyed look, a pen and a paper pad, and a medium sized, leather bound book.

"I don't know what Ampora's organization system is, but it sure as fuck isn't Dewey decimal. Or alphabetical. Or anything else that has a vague semblance of logic. I found this between a cookbook and a book about fucking mermaids, seriously."

Vriska jumped up, bouncing eagerly. "Who gives a shit Egdork, read it now!"

"Again with the ridiculous demands! What, do you think I just skim books and automatically know their content back to front?! Translating takes time, hold your fucking horses and sit your ass down while I try to figure out not only what those faded, worn down rock letters are, but also what they mean."

He sat in front of the stone, crossing his legs and setting the book and pad in his lap. Vriska grumbled again, sitting back down by Equius.

"Such bullshit..."

Equius shook his head. "I know you and John are fond of movies, Vriska, but surely you know that they are rather unrealistic? Because as you can see, if they were not, they would not be quite so entertaining to watch."

She sighed. "...Yeah, I know that. But still. It's soooooooo boring. And I thought John would be excited about this! He loves history! And the movies!"

"Shit, that's the G thing, not a J...who the hell writes a G like that?"

Equius smiled. "If he were not interested or excited, Vriska, I doubt he would be sitting in mud trying to translate it."

Her eyes moved back to John, who was chewing on his tongue and scribbling on the pad. His brows were furrowed, face scrunched up like he only ever got when he was working hard on a history project or trying hard not to fuck up coding his computer. Vriska looked back away and propped her face on her fist, knuckles covering her mouth to hide the little smile she felt trying to appear.

"...Yeah. Guess you're right."

 

\---

 

A little over an hour later it had gotten dark, and Vriska was starting to doze against Equius's side. She snapped back awake at the sound of the book slamming shut, and John held the paper up triumphantly.

"I got it! I mean, it's really weird and doesn't make much sense, but I got it!"

Vriska jumped up, grinning wide and eager again.

"Fuck yeah, it's about damn time! Read it man, read it!" She jumped over to him, trying to look at the pad over his shoulder. "What's it say, what's it say?"

John cleared his throat. "Well, as I said, it's pretty weird. I think it's like, a local legend or something. It's basically about a mermaid some guy kidnapped, and how she cursed him, or something..."

"A mermaid? Curse?" Equius repeated, blinking in surprise.

John nodded, looking back down at his pad. "Yeah. I wanna read it to you, but I'm pretty sure I fucked some stuff up, so basically the gist of it is, some war hero found a mermaid and brought her back here. He made a tank and filled it with swamp water, but since swamps are way grosser than the ocean, the mermaid reacted really badly to it. Skin swelled, scales fell off, pretty mermaid voice became a growl. Classic monsterfication stuff. She basically grew really ugly and died, and now the women in nearby villages are cursed. It's actually really cool and I think I'm gonna try to translate it properly. Read you the whole poetic story thing it's going for."

He looked up, blinking at the two stunned faces of his friends. "...What?"

"Holy fucking shit," Vriska whispered.

"Curse? What kind of curse?" Equius asked.

John frowned, looking back down. "...Doesn't really say, actually. I assume disappearance or death or something."

"Holy fucking shit!" Vriska laughed. "This is fucking awesome, that's the best thing ever! How come I've never heard that legend before, it's awesome! That shit should be all over the internet! C'mon, we've gotta explore, let's check out that old mansion, oh man this is--"

"We don't have to do anything," Equius interrupted. "And we are not going to. I understand you are bored, Vriska, but we cannot go disrespecting Mr. Ampora's privacy for the sake of an urban tale. And all that aside, it is getting late now anyway. All we need to do is eat some dinner, and go to bed early."

"Equius, stop being such a fucking killjoy! We--"

"Dinner, Vriska."

She scowled. "John?!"

John shrugged, but he looked disappointed as well. "He's right, Vris. It's probably nothing, and anyway, I am hungry."

Vriska growled. "You both suck shit."

"Look, at least leave it until tomorrow?" John sighed. "It's already dark! And I know  _you_ didn't do anything, but translating that was really hard! I'm getting a headache, and I wanna go to bed."

She crossed her arms, kicking a pebble into the swamp. "Fine."

She followed the other two back into the couch, sulking all the way through looking for dinner. Ampora really was running low, and in the end they settled on finishing the leftover rice and a bag of potato chips. As Equius headed to Nepeta's room to give her the last of the rice, the other two headed to their own rooms. John bade Vriska a goodnight with a yawn, disappearing into his room and flicking out the lights. Vriska climbed into bed, staring up at the ceiling.

So maybe it was too late now. But John had only said to hold it til tomorrow, and she planned to do exactly that. She didn't care if Equius was a goodie two-shoes who was content to just sleep and eat all week, she was gonna explore. And there wasn't shit he could do to stop her.

Rolling over, she closed her eyes, and fell asleep with a solemn swear to herself that tomorrow was when she was gonna start having fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, I really wish I could write dialogue like Hussie. Oh well. One day.
> 
> Fun fact, I did a (not extensive, but not lazy, I like to think) research of Scottish Gealic for this chapter. The letters really are all named after plants, and I think that's cool. I like languages. One day I'm gonna write a big fic that I am gonna put loads of research into, and I hope at least some of that research goes to languages and/or history.
> 
> Seriously, that stuff is awesome.
> 
> Once again, didn't get quite as far as I wanted. Oh well. Maybe I won't even wait a month for chapter 4!


End file.
